Faith and Grief

Holding Fast: Faith Triumphs in Tragedy by Elizabeth M Thompson

I just finished reading a terrific book, Holding Fast: The Untold Story of the Mount Hood Tragedy. I reviewed the book as part of Thomas Nelson's Book Review Blogger program. I posted my review on Amazon.com and wanted to share it with my Faith and Grief readers, too.

In Holding Fast, Karen James takes readers on an intimate and emotional journey of faith and grief. Karen's husband Kelly—an accomplished mountain climber—left for a weekend climb on Mount Hood in Oregon, with two friends in December of 2006. When they failed to meet their ride at the end of the trek, Karen was thrust into a very private nightmare and a very public spotlight.

America watched as she spent eight agonizing days waiting, hoping and praying for Kelly's safe return while the mountain experienced the worst snowstorms in a decade. On December 17^th, rescue workers retrieved Kelly's body from a snow cave near the summit. His companions were never found.

Karen's faith in Jesus Christ quickly became her rock, the only solid thing she could cling to that would keep her from succumbing to grief.

"When your world falls out from underneath you and you are on your knees, there is nowhere to look but up. Suddenly everything you have claimed about your God and your faith is put to the test. During such a time, you learn where you stand with your Maker, and the most significant question of your life slaps you right in the face: Do you really believe?"

The answer to this question for Karen James is, "Yes—I really believe."

Holding Fast is the story of a man who lived life to its fullest and loved God wholeheartedly. It is also the story of a woman who learned to live without the love of her life and discovered an even greater love.

I remember when the Mount Hood tragedy dominated the news nearly two years ago. I was one of the millions who prayed for the safe return of all three climbers. It was fascinating to relive those events through Karen James' perspective. She really takes the reader into the deep places of hope, grief, acceptance and perseverance. I appreciated her vulnerability. Holding Fast will encourage others who grieve to anchor their souls to Jesus Christ.

Gratefully,

Beth

    

90 Minutes in Heaven: A Comfort to Grievers

A Book Review by Elizabeth M. Thompson Don Piper's life ended abruptly and tragically when a semi crossed into the path of his car, smashing the small vehicle and severely damaging his body. Don's death was only temporary, though, as he was brought back to life through the prayers of a pastor who stopped at the crash site. 90 Minutes in Heaven chronicles Don's experiences during his death and his reluctant return to a productive life on earth. The testimony of his heavenly experience has become a blessing to many believers as they face their own death or the death of a loved one. It compels even skeptical readers to believe in the authenticity of Don's account. Don's story ministers to all believers who have had to learn how to serve God in spite of physical, emotional, mental or psychological disabilities. Since that day in 1989, Don has not experienced one pain-free day. He is an over-comer who challenges us to overcome the limitations in our own life by holding up a mirror before us, revealing our weaknesses for what they are: an opportunity for God's strength to be displayed. His faith and commitment to God are qualities we all hope to have as we face adversity. This captivating story is written with the warmth, intelligence and sensitivity only a seasoned author could achieve. Cecil Murphey has written, co-written, or ghost written over a hundred books Cec was the perfect choice to author this book because of his extensive writing background and expertise, but also because he has the ability to get inside the head and heart of the subject and he enables the reader to do the same.

Safe Happens in Baseball by guest blogger Sharon Hinck

Earlier this summer, fires tore through the Boundary Waters in northern Minnesota. Last month the 35W bridge collapsed. A few weeks ago a series of storms ripped huge oaks up by the roots and toppled dozens and dozens of trees in our neighborhood, leaving us without power for five days. Last weekend, flash floods took lives, washed out roads, and destroyed homes in south-eastern Minnesota.

Minnesota has always felt like a safe place: relatively low crime rate, land of 10,000 lakes and the gentle humor of Garrison Keillor.

People in our community are grappling with sudden and devastating loss. I'm wondering if there is such a thing as "safe" besides the umpire's call when a runner successfully slides into home.

Makes me think of the William Shedd quote: "A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for."

Life isn't safe. And even those of us who prefer to drop anchor in peaceful ports can still be capsized by sudden storms. That's an uncomfortable realization. We'd rather believe that we have control. That if we eat a healthy diet we'll never get sick, if we have an alarm system our house won't be robbed, if we make smart financial choices we'll never be poor. That our bridges are solid, our storm-tracking radar will somehow protect us from wind and rain, and that the plans we make for ourselves will unfold per our schedule. Yet there are times that despite our efforts, the illusion of safety fractures.

That would be a bleak and scary thought if three-score and ten years on planet Earth were our only lot, our only reality.

But there is a much bigger picture.

Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Our time on this sin-sick planet is only a small piece of our destiny, our eternity. While we're here, there will be trouble - even sudden, inexplicable tragedy. We grieve. We mourn. We hurt. We realize that life isn't safe. We hold and comfort each other.

And all the while we look to the horizon. Because our overcoming Jesus isn't done with the story. One day we'll be with Him. One day we won't have to battle cancer, crime, and craziness, fires, floods and storms. One day we'll slide into home and He'll joyfully shout, "Safe!"

Even today, I nestle into the truth that while storms brew, my soul is safe in His care. "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8

Sharon Hinck ...
...stories for the hero in all of us

The Secret Life of Becky Miller (Bethany House, June 2006)
Renovating Becky Miller (Bethany House, February 2007)
The Restorer (NavPress, May 2007)
The Restorer¹s Son (NavPress, September 2007)

www.sharonhinck.com
http://www.sharonswriting.blogspot.com/

Lone Ranger Grief

By Elizabeth M. Thompson

"I did not seek help for my grief. I thought I had to deal with it on my own."

I hear these words from grievers all the time! These are usually solid Christian members of Bible-believing churches, surrounded by people who love and care for them. So why don't they ask for help? Why won't they connect with other grievers or seek help from a pastor or Biblical counselor?

Here are some of the more popular reasons I have heard:

• No one really understands my grief and what I am going through.
• I can't afford counseling.
• I don't have time. I am busy working/raising a family, etc.
• I am in leadership in my church and don't want to appear spiritually weak.
• My friends and family only offer platitudes that make me feel worse.
• I tried to share with someone once and felt rejected.
• There are no resources available to me.
• My loss was so long ago, I feel like I should be over it by now. I feel foolish talking about it.

If you have employed any of these excuses, you are in good company! Many people feel the same reluctance to seek help that you are feeling. They too struggle alone in their grief.

The problem is that grief that is not processed can lead to deep valleys of isolation, depression and despair. Sharing your grief with others promotes healing.

Prayerfully consider connecting to other grievers or counselors who can help you work through your grief. Here are some resources:

GriefShare: Seminars and grief recovery support groups

New Life Ministries: (1-800-New Life)  Provides Healing is a Choice seminars, counseling, support groups, personal coaching,

The Goodness of the Lord: A Grief Quote

"There is so much I can't explain or fix. I feel as though I'm moving in slow motion while the rest of the world is on fast-forward. There is a lot I don't feel okay about, but I'm trying to get okay. It's hard to regroup and reenter, but I know there is goodness waiting for me there. Psalm 27:13 says, "I would have despaired unless I believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." I am merging with the traffic, matching speed, trying to join in. The rest of that verse says, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage." Perhaps it is also okay to do it a little at a time. At least one day at a time."

--- Kim Thomas, Finding Your Way Through Grief

What Grief Has Taught Me: Grief Journal

by Elizabeth M. Thompson

Walking through a season of grief stretches us in ways we never imagined. We learn so much about ourselves, God and others in the process. Reviewing what we learn can produce gratitude. It can also show us areas in our life, our spiritual walk and our interations with others that we would like to change. Take a few minutes and write your responses to these questions:

What have I learned about myself through the loss of my loved one?

What have I learned about God through my grief?

What have I discovered about my friends, family, church members through grief?

How have my priorities been affected by this loss?

If your grief has taught you something you would like to share with others, please leave a comment about what you learned.

All comments go into a monthly drawing for a grief-related book. This month's title is: Roses in December: Comfort for a Grieving Heart by Marilyn Willett Heavilin.

Thriving Spiritually: A Grief Quote

"The Scripture pictures this season I am in. "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines...yet I will rejoice in the Lord." (Habakkuk 3:17-18)

Because I remember a time when the fig tree did bud, and the vines were full of grapes, I will keep showing up. Even though my spiritual life feels unproductive right now, I remember when it thrived.

I look at notes I've written in the margins of my Bible and read through old prayer journals and random pieces I've written on my computer. I spend time quietly meditating on how faithfully God has carried me through the last year, and the forty-four before that. These are all marks on my spiritual clothes, proof of a productive woman of faith having lived here in my skin.

Even though I don't understand, and I don't know if I remember how to do it, I will keep showing up. One day, perhaps, I will find myself in the middle of a thriving spiritual life again."

Kim Thomas, Finding Your Way Through Grief

Grief Support

"No man is an Island, entire of it self; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main."

---John Donne

"The one who suffers alone suffers most."

---Jewish proverb in Leo Rosten's Treasury of Jewish Quotations, 440

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!...Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:10, 12

All Grievers need Mehom Hanekhama, a safe place to grieve. Unfortunately, that may not be within a family, or within a circle of friends, or even within a church. Those who try to do their grief work in isolation are closeted in many ways. So we need places to take our questions, our wonderings, and to be surprised to discover that other grievers have, or have had, those same questions.

It may lead to great relief: "You mean I'm not going crazy?" one widow said with a sigh.

"No, Honey," one wise group member remarked. "You're just grieving."

By becoming involved in an organized network or support group of grievers, you'll discover:

• You are not alone.
• Some people can be trusted with your thoughts and wonderings.
• The experience of another griever may have some raw resources for your healing and grief journey.
• Honest expression of emotions is healthy.
• Mourning is not an illness or self-indulgence of a bad habit.
• The strategies that work for others.

"Every griever has three needs: (1) to find the words for the loss; (2) to say the words out loud; and (3) to know the words have been heard" says Victoria Alexander in Words I Nerver Thought to Speak.

Often, only the support group provides a safe enough place for the griever to accomplish all three needs. In such a setting, the griever rarely needs a translator. And it just may be that your words jump-start the words in the heart of another griever."

Harold Ivan Smith, from A Decembered Grief, 162-163

More Than I Can Handle: A Grief Devotional

Is anything too hard for the Lord? Genesis 18:14

I am not comforted when someone tells me, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” In fact, I don’t believe it’s true. God has, on occasion, given me much more than I can handle. He has never given me more than he can handle!

Is anything too hard for the Lord? No! He healed Sarah’s barren womb in her old age and gave her a son, just as he promised. He can heal my broken heart and make good things come from my loss, just as he promised.

When I face the full force of my grief and begin to feel overwhelmed, I am reminded that though this is too hard for me—it is not too hard for my Lord. As I trust him, I find his grace sufficient for my needs. And I am grateful.

Lord, I would not want to face my grief on my own. In my strength I am easily defeated. But nothing is too hard for you. Thank you for loving me, for strengthening me and for doing for me what I cannot do for myself. Amen.

Will I Ever Laugh Again?

My Dad was dying. His cancer had spread to his liver and lungs and before long it would claim his life. With no assurance of his eternal salvation, I struggled through each day carrying the weight of grief and fear every where I went.

One night as I prayed, I confessed to God my weariness. I was worn out by months of heartache and fears (and I was not the one losing my life to cancer!) I pleaded again with God for Dad's salvation. I poured out my heart to God and then asked him if I would feel this much pain forever. Would I ever laugh again? Could my heart ever be light enough to enjoy the simple pleasures life offered?

At that moment I could not imagine ever feeling happy again. I was losing one of the few people on earth who understood me--who really "got" me. I knew my pain would be intense when he passed and I could not imagine ever getting over it.

The next morning at church I saw my friends Kate* and Angela* walking together in the hallway. They were talking and as they neared where I stood, Kate began to laugh hard. Angela must have said something funny because Kate simply could not contain her deep, tummy-tickling, soul-restoring laughter.

In that moment, I had my answer from God. You see, a few months earlier, my friend Kate had lost her Dad very unexpectantly. He suffered a massive heart attack and died in her arms. She was devastated. Her loss was intensely painful and yet here she was laughing, enjoying the hilarity of the moment with a precious friend.

She did not know it, but her moment of light-heartedness sparked a tiny flame of hope in my heart that I would one day laugh again. The image of her expression of joy was etched in my mind and brought me hope in the difficult days ahead.

Now, it has been several years since my Dad died. It was one of the most difficult times in my life. I grieved intensely for my Dad and for all the things I would miss about him. But I want to assure you that I did learn to laugh again.

So today if you are wondering if you will ever laugh again, if you will ever be light-hearted enough to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, let me assure you that you will!